


REAL hugs are coming

by natigail



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Affection, Alternate Universe - College/University, Banter, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, First Meetings, Hugs, M/M, Online Friendship, Sarcasm, Social Anxiety, Social Media, Touch-Starved, so many hugs you guys get ready to feel soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-07 05:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17954072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: Anonymous asked:I'm sending REAL hugs. B prepared. They are coming!danisnotonfire answered:thank uDan confessed to his online friend that he was really craving a hug but he most certainly didn’t expect to find a kind and handsome stranger suddenly standing outside of his door.





	REAL hugs are coming

University was hard and much lonelier than Dan had ever thought that it would be. He figured that it would be a bit like school and he could cruise right through without a lot of trouble despite having chosen to study law.

He had been wrong. It was a whole other world. He was away from his old school friends, away from his parents and the house he had grown up in and he was all alone out here. Sure, he lived in the student accommodation, so he technically had people all around him but he didn’t really talk to them. On the first day of arrivals, he had just shut himself inside of his room and panicked a bit. He was supposed to be an adult now, right?

He was nineteen and living on his own. He was attending a higher education. He was supposed to have his shit figured out. Instead, he was dialling his grandmother on the verge of tears while overwhelmed in Tesco or trying to boil pasta without putting water into the pot. He hadn’t even dared to attempt the laundry room yet.

This was a nightmare and the semester was only halfway through. Dan wasn’t sure if he was ever going to get through 3 years of this shit. But it wasn’t like giving up and going home was a real option. He couldn’t go back to his parents if he dropped out. He would never be able to live with the shame of having disappointed them like that.

They had been so proud when he had gotten in and he was just going to have to tough it out. Stay the course, do the work, keep his head down.

Be miserable.

He did find a little bit of a safe space though. When he was procrastinating the readings or avoiding his loud hall mates, he took to the Internet world and immersed himself in fandoms, in everything and anything that interested him. It was much easier to talk to people online than any of the many students he would pass on his way to class.

The online world was safe and he could be the version of himself that he wanted. He felt more comfortable speaking his mind when he couldn’t feel all eyes in a classroom turn to him. Here he could speak when and how he wanted, on stuff that actually interested him.

He started gaining followers and repeatedly talking with some of the same people. He became friends with people he had never met or even seen their face. They could be lying about who they were but Dan had prided himself in being able to find the good people and avoid the unnecessary drama that a fandom could bring.

Dan started talking almost daily with one particular user and he quickly felt like they knew each other better than a lot of Dan’s old classmates had known him. Time didn’t seem to be a factor and the two of them even started sending silly selfies back and forth to make the other laugh.

The guy was called Pj and he had just started at university just like Dan. Only he studied in Surrey instead of Manchester and he was getting a degree in Digital Film and Screen Arts. Dan was envious whenever Pj talked about his courses with such passion.

Law was a safe bet but Dan didn’t care about it like some of his classmates did. He studied the bare minimum necessary, though he did so effectively that he had managed to get okay marks. But he didn’t care in the same way Pj did.

He had promised himself that he would give it the first couple of months to adjust. It was the beginning of something new. It was just a transitioning period. He tried to pretend that he would fall into the rhythm and then it wouldn’t be so bad.

It didn’t help. Christmas was just around the corner and nothing had gotten better. He had just gotten more and more tired and he literally had to drag his ass out of bed in the morning, and there were days where he didn’t even manage that.

Those days, he would just bundle up with an extra jumper, his duvet and all the blankets he owned. Shitty heating be damned for destroying his skip day and plan to just watch anime in bed comfortably. He should technically be working on that damn essay that was due tomorrow but he didn’t want to do that either.

The only thing he was happy about was the fast Wi-Fi connection. He was quite sure he would literally have died without it. In the spirit of avoiding everything else, he decided to wine to his friend.

 

**danisnotonfire**

i am deceased. can you call someone to collect the body?

**kickthepj**

sure. what’s the address?

**danisnotonfire**

oak house, oh3.03

i will be found passed out from the cold, clutching my laptop as if it was my last lifeline. a half-finished essay frozen on my screen, never to be completed.

**kickthepj**

i will alert the police right away

**danisnotonfire**

thanks. i’m sure my mum will send you a fruit basket

**kickthepj**

Tell her I love apples and expect at least a dozen to get over the tragic lost of my best online friend.

**danisnotonfire**

you sure are grieving huh?

making me do all that work

**kickthepj**

*sigh* We all cope in different ways. Seriously though… Is everything okay?

 

Dan hated that question and he sat back a little from his laptop. It was well-meaning but Dan liked it better when they joked around and he could pretend that nothing bothered him. It was a simpler way of life. Humour could be a great coping mechanism.

He almost made another joke, a sarcastic misdirect. It would have been so easy but the way Pj asked made Dan think that he actually wanted the truth. He didn’t want to hear the self-deprecating joke that would be the easy option.

 

**danisnotonfire**

it’s hard

i don’t think i’m cut out for uni

**kickthepj**

How so?

**danisnotonfire**

i just don’t fit in

i either sit alone in class barely listening or i’m on my laptop in my room

i thought i’d love living on my own, making my own rules

**kickthepj**

But?

**danisnotonfire**

don’t think i don’t know what you’re doing

**kickthepj**

And what would that be?

**danisnotonfire**

you’re an ass

**kickthepj**

But you love me anyway.

**danisnotonfire**

fuck you

**kickthepj**

Love you too.

Dan, if you’re feeling out of place maybe you should talk to someone? Maybe the student guidance office can help?

**danisnotonfire**

i don’t think they could help

**kickthepj**

What would help, if you don’t mind me asking? And honestly, you can tell me to shut up and I will. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but I care about you and you have been more and more gloomy lately. Everything you post has a snark or a twinge of melancholy. I just want to help you, if I can.

**danisnotonfire**

you typed that out pretty fast

**kickthepj**

Dan.

**danisnotonfire**

ffs, fine!

i don’t know

this is going to sound stupid

**kickthepj**

No, it won’t.

**danisnotonfire**

it will

**kickthepj**

Say it anyway!

**danisnotonfire**

i just want a hug.

 

Embarrassment shot through Dan as soon as he sent the message and he promptly went offline before Pj had a chance to reply. It was stupid. So fucking stupid and he shouldn’t have allowed Pj to talk him into writing it. He knew it was going to happen as soon as he started opening up. His friend just had a way with prying open your soul, gently in a way that you almost didn’t mind that you were being told to bare your secrets and lower your defences. He was soothing and safe and Dan was so happy that they were friends but in that moment, he still cursed him out.

A hug?

He sounded like a little kid. Sure, he might have been a little touch-starved or he might not have been able to remember the last time he touched a human being at all but he sounded pathetic.

A hug would not fix anything. He would still be trapped by a degree he was increasingly sure he didn’t want to get and he was out of options. He had to stick to his plan of getting through this and being miserable.

When he got out the other side, he would be on the way towards becoming a solicitor or a barrister. A chill went through him when he thought that he might feel the same way about those jobs as the degree in law.

He had thoroughly screwed himself over with this impulsive choice. He had just been so happy to be offered a full ride and the title of the degree had made his parents happy. He had thought he wanted the job stability to live a good life but now he wasn’t sure if those thoughts had been his own or if they had been pushed onto him by society at large.

This was a huge mess.

Dan watched an episode of the anime he had open in a different tab but he was only paying half attention. He felt bad for bailing on Pj without an explanation and he felt worse about the thoughts of his future that he really didn’t want to address.

It took almost an hour before he dared to log on again. Pj was offline and Dan breathed a sigh of relief that no new messages waited for him. He did however have a new ask in his inbox, which wasn’t unusual but he hoped it was one of those seeking his opinion on a plot point or asking him to make a list. It would be a nice distraction to ponder a fictional world instead of his own real life mess.

The ask was short and you could either call it sweet or ominous depending on how you viewed it. Dan wasn’t sure how to reply at first but in the end, he decided a simple answer would suffice. He was almost certain that Pj was the sender, hiding behind the anon, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

 

 **Anonymous asked** :

I’m sending REAL hugs. B prepared. They are coming!

 **danisnotonfire answered** :

thank u

 

Dan appreciated the sentiment and he was glad that Pj hadn’t called him out on being pathetic. He felt that enough on his own and it seemed like Pj had been able to sense it. Normally, Dan would have been a little worried at no reply but in this case, he knew his friend well enough to recognise the thought process behind his actions.

Pj was someone who got things done. If you told him a problem or posed him a challenge, he would pour everything into it. He never did anything half-hearted. He would go to any lengths…

Shit.

 

**danisnotonfire**

pj, you are presenting your project in the morning that you said you needed for all of today to finish it

if you show up in manchester i will punch you in the face

i mean it

 

Dan glared on his screen, almost willing that little green dot to appear next to Pj’s icon to alert that he was online again. It didn’t happen. Dan was absolutely serious in his threat of violence. Pj had gone on and on about his current project and Dan was very excited to see the final result. He would not stand that his friend made a completely unnecessary trip that would take hours back and forth. He might very well miss the submission deadline if he did that.

However, it was just like Pj to do something impulsive.

They had talked about meeting up when they could get their schedules to align. It would be cool to meet an Internet friend in person but so far they had just both been busy, Pj mostly studying and Dan mostly avoiding studying. Surprisingly, both took up a lot of time.

Dan supposed that he would know in a couple of hours. He sincerely hoped that he had misread that ask or that it was someone completely different. It could technically just have been one of his followers agreeing with Pj’s assessment that he had been a little down recently and they had wanted to cheer him up.

But right about now he really regretted handing out his real address. He could have written literally anything else but he had just typed out his real one by autopilot. His mother would probably have gasped and scolded him for handing out his address to someone he had never met.

He would probably have needed to explain to her that you could meet people online now. A lot of people were doing it. People found friends and lovers through online means.

Besides, you couldn’t even get into the building without anyone living in the accommodation opening the door for you. He was perfectly safe and no one was going to come knocking on…

For a hot second, Dan was sure he had hallucinated the sound. Could you even hallucinate sounds? He wasn’t sure but it did definitely sound like there was a knock on the door.

He told himself that he was being silly. It had to just be one of his hall mates who wanted to tell him something. It physically couldn’t have been Pj. The trip by train would take nearly four hours and it had only been an hour since he wrote that embarrassing slip up of a confession.

Dan got to his feet, the oversized sweater pooling around his waist as he tiptoed towards the peephole in his door. The floorboards creaked under his socked feet and he had the distinct feeling that he was in a horror movie and he was about to stare at the face of a cannibal or something.

He gathered up his courage to look through the peephole and he was confused at who he was standing on the other side.

It was a tall young guy with black hair, probably in his early 20s, who was crouching down slightly so Dan could properly see him in the peephole. Dan had never seen him before in his life.

“Hi?” he said through the door.

“Are you Dan?” the stranger asked and moved his hands to rest in his pockets in an odd fashion. His palms were turned forward and he barely managed to stuff more than a couple of fingers in about knuckle deep. He looked awkward and adorable.

Probably not a cannibal, Dan guessed.

“Maybe?”

“Okay? Err, I feel a little silly talking to a door, do you think you can…?”

It was either courage or stupidity that made Dan swing open the door so he was brought face with the stranger. A handsome stranger Dan noted now that he could see him with his own eyes instead of through the fisheye. He was roughly as tall as Dan, which didn’t happen that often, and Dan instinctively moved to stand a little straighter instead of always hunching down because he didn’t want to stick out in the crowd.

“Hi, I’m Phil,” Phil said and stuck out his right hand.

Dan had always hated shaking hands a little. It felt awkward and stilted and he usually had to use his non-dominant hand. If he ever was the first to offer a handshake and went in with his left, people had a tendency to give him the side-eye. As if being a leftie was anymore a choice than his height or his sexuality.

“Right,” Dan said and crossed his arms and leaned against his doorframe. “And what do you want?”

A light flush seemed to rise in the guy’s very pale cheeks. “He didn’t tell you?”

Dan narrowed his eyes and then rolled them so dramatically that he had to tilt his head back a little to make room for the action. This was Pj’s work. No doubt about it.

Dan didn’t understand how or why but it had Pj written all over it, or rather all over this poor guy.

“Pj?” Dan asked with suspicion.

“Yeah,” Phil replied and did an almost half-smile that made his eyes shine. “He asked me to stop by.”

“From?”

“My flat in the city centre,” Phil answered. He looked caught somewhere between feeling that this was incredibly awkward and utterly hilarious.

“Right. And you’re here because…”

“Pj is a friend of mine,” Phil explained. “He can’t come by and visit you so he asked if I could stop by.”

“How did you even make it all the way to my door?” Dan asked and looked down the hallway. Phil shouldn’t even have been able to get into the building.

“A girl was leaving just as I was arriving. I just grabbed the door. I figured it would be better to introduce me face to face given the chance,” Phil said.

He sounded so innocent and trustworthy. It was knocking Dan a little off-kilter and the scowl that had taken up almost permanent residence on his face seemed to ease up just a little.

And one of Dan’s neighbours decided to come out of his room and head for the kitchen. His eyes quickly scanned over Dan and Phil lingering in the doorway and he let out a loud whistle.

Dan flinched and he prepared himself for the comment that he knew had to be coming. That guy had no boundaries or tact whatsoever and he only ever seemed to care about one thing.

“Booty call in the middle of the day? Way to go, Howell!” Dan’s hall mate hollered as he walked into the kitchen.

Dan was sure his face had turned a love shade of pink to match Phil’s.

“Why don’t you come in, so we avoid that again?” Dan said and stepped aside to allow Phil entry.

No one had really been in this room other than Dan and right now he was regretting the mess and disorder just a bit. He hadn’t exactly been expecting company. As soon as he shut the door behind Phil, he moved over to open the window as wide as it would go. He wasn’t much for letting cold air in but he was sure that it didn’t exactly smell wonderful in here, even if he had gotten immune.

“Sorry about that guy, by the way,” Dan said and cringed.

“No worries. I remember the type. I only graduated university last year and I lived with someone like that pretty much all the time,” Phil said and lingered a bit awkwardly in the room.

Dan promptly tossed the clothes piling on top of the desk chair and turned it towards Phil as a silent invitation that he took with a smile. He shrugged off his jacket before sitting down and hang it on the back of the chair.

“So, I’m still confused actually,” Dan confessed. “What exactly are you doing here?”

As soon as he asked the question, he recalled what was most definitely Pj’s ask. God no. Please don’t let that be the reason. Pj didn’t call up one of his friends and literally asked them to come over to…

He was beyond embarrassed at this point. He was even more than tragic. The English language didn’t have a word for how low he had sunk.

“He asked me-“

“Please don’t tell me that he asked you what I think he asked you,” Dan said and effectively cut off Phil. Dan fidgeted and he went to close the window again before the temperature dropped even more.

“ _Dan_ ,” Phil said in what Dan perceived to be a pitying voice. “It’s okay.”

He didn’t want Phil’s pity. Right now he was contemplating jumping on a train and going to Surrey just to strangle Pj for doing this to him.

He had shared something private with his friend and that eccentric bastard had not only shared his address but also a private low detail with someone who was a complete stranger to him. It was not okay. Not in the slightest.

A more rational part of Dan’s brain, currently buried beneath the humiliation and hurt, reasoned that Pj had just tried to find a way to help him and that he would never have shared anything with this Phil guy if he didn’t trust him completely to keep the information to himself.

They had to be pretty good friends for Pj to contact him and even more so for Phil to agreeing to such a ludicrous request.

“I can just leave again. Say the word and I’m out the door. I promise,” Phil said and raised his hands like he was surrendering. He did seem like a decent guy, despite this being the weirdest first impression that Dan had ever experienced.

“Okay.”

“Do you want me to?”

“I don’t know! I’m confused and overwhelmed and this is so embarrassing and I don’t know you and you’re here in my room and I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe,” Dan said stammering out the words as his heart started beating faster and faster and it took more and more effort to squeeze out the words.

Phil was up from his chair but he didn’t make a move to step closer to Dan. Dan was quite sure that he would have thrown himself up the wall if Phil had invaded his personal space in that moment.

“Try touching your hands to your opposite shoulders in rhythmic taps. When one lets go the other should touch. It’s supposed to help engage both parts of your brain,” Phil explained calmly and he looked solid and strong.

Dan wasn’t sure if he was tethering on a panic attack. He surely had felt more and more mentally strained and this whole thing seemed to be what might be the final drop before it all spilled over. And he was having this freak out in front a stranger. Dan’s breathing quickened again.

“It’s just a suggestion, but I’ll turn around now and give you a moment. Or I can leave completely. You have all the power to decide, Dan.”

“Don’t leave,” Dan chocked out and closed his eyes. This was stupid. He was freaking out over nothing. Nothing at all.

“Okay, then I’ll turn around and give you a moment. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Dan said and he moved past the embarrassment and did what Phil had told him to do. He wasn’t sure if it was working or if it was simply giving his breathing time to calm down but eventually he felt a lot more settled and when he opened his eyes again the air didn’t feel so heavy and choking.

“Err… thank you. I feel better,” Dan said and Phil turned around. “Sorry you had to see that.”

He didn’t look angry or impatient. He just wore a small supportive smile.

“I’m just glad you feel better.”

“You’re not a shrink or something, right?”

Phil laughed and it might have been the most wonderful sound Dan had ever heard, or he was still a little loopy from the shortness of breath.

“No. I did language and video editing at uni. I just had a friend who suffered from panic attacks and she taught me a few tricks. Sorry if I overstepped or triggered something.”

“Not your fault. I’m calmer now. It’s just been… building for a while, I guess.”

“It’s usually like that. It builds up and up and then a small thing can send it over the edge. Did Pj really not tell you that he sent me over?”

“Is it the sort of thing he does a lot?” Dan asked instead of answering. Maybe Phil was just a go-around hugger person and if so it wouldn’t be so weird.

“No, he’s never done it before. I was a bit sceptical when he called me, naturally, but then…”

Phil trailed off and he got a look in his eye as if he was remembering something but he wasn’t sure if he should continue.

“But then?” Dan prompted.

Phil cracked a smile and then looked directly into Dan’s eyes. Suddenly, Dan’s chest felt tight for a different reason. Who would blame him when a hot and considerate guy like that smiled at him, even if he was also slightly awkward and weird?

“I had a friend who died,” Phil said and looked up to gauge Dan’s reaction. Dan tried his best to keep his expression as neutral as possible. “I just thought that life is short, you know? If you have a chance to help someone, you should try, even if the circumstances are weird.”

“That they most certainly are,” Dan said and sat down on his bed while Phil sat back down in the chair.

“I have been told that I give really good hugs though,” Phil said with a twinkle in his eye.

“Is that so?” Dan asked challengingly and he found himself smiling.

There was something disarming about this guy. He felt like someone you could trust and bare your soul to. It wasn’t odd that him and Pj were friends. They most certainly had that trait in common.

“Just saying, I have the best recommendations,” Phil joked.

“What’s the secret?” Dan asked.

“Well, I would have to show you while I explain for you to get the full effect, you know?”

“Is that so?”

Phil and Pj even played by some of the same rules and Dan found himself falling right into the trap regardless. Maybe, it was because he hadn’t smiled this much in the last month, at least not unless he was looking at a screen.

Online interaction could be wonderful but there was something special about being in a room with someone and being able to speak without any barriers between you. Normally, being social in any capacity drained Dan’s energy levels almost immediately and he just wanted to go back to his own space and be alone to recharge.

Maybe it was because he was technically in his own space now, or it might be a special Phil quality along with apparently amazing hugs or Dan had just starved himself of genuine unfiltered human interaction for so long.

It must have been weeks since he touched another human being. He would almost be impressed with himself if it weren’t so sad.

And now Phil sat patiently in his room, radiating warmth and offering to give him a hug. Because Pj had asked him to but also because Phil seemingly thought that it was the kind and compassionate thing to do, even for someone you didn’t know.

“I’ll happily give you a hug, Dan,” Phil said and got up from his chair. “And explain to you what makes a truly great hug. I think I’ve finally figured out the perfect formula.”

“And how did you do that?” Dan asked, with a glint in his eyes.

“Years and years of practice on my friends. They are never feeling unloved,” Phil said and Dan knew he didn’t mean anything by it. His tone was light-humoured but it still felt like a stab into Dan’s stomach.

He knew people loved him. His family and his friends did love him but it was something different to hear that some people were lucky enough to have someone like Phil in their lives. They probably didn’t even realise how blessed they were by the man who seemed to radiate sunlight.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Let’s have a hug,” Dan said and then visibly cringed at how awkward it sounded.

He felt flushed and embarrassed all over again. This was mortifying and while it was initially Pj’s fault, and Dan would surely be writing a strongly worded message to him later, he couldn’t blame everything on his friend. Phil had given Dan the chance to back out multiple times. He had even now offered up a reason for Dan to ask for the hug. He was being extraordinarily kind.

“You have to get off your feet or this is going to be awkward,” Phil said and then added after a second, “more awkward that is.”

He said it with a laugh and Dan felt surprisingly at ease in this bizarre situation.

“On with it, champion hugger,” Dan said as he got to his feet and then opened his arms wide.

Phil didn’t let Dan hurry him on. He stepped forward with slow and deliberate steps that had Dan losing his focus a little and his arms began to hang a bit. Phil wasn’t elegant when he moved. In fact, he was a little clumsy but he moved with a purpose that you could see in his steps.

“Firstly, you take into account the height difference. Most of my friends are smaller than me so I’ll end up with my arms wrapped around their shoulders but we’re the same height so it doesn’t really matter. Do you want-”

“I swear, Phil, if you ask me if I want to be on top or bottom I will-“ Dan interrupted.

He was sure that his already pink cheeks got a shade darker. He did not need his mind to go into the gutter during a platonic hug with a stranger, even if he wasn’t blind to said stranger’s attractiveness. All the more reason that he shouldn’t be thinking of other physical activities involving their bodies.

“I wasn’t!” Phil said, laughter bubbling through his words but he looked a little flustered as well. “Okay, follow my lead.”

Phil touched Dan’s shoulder to move them a little closer and Dan felt the heat even though his sweater. It felt that way at least and he was almost sure that his heartbeat could be heard audibly with how fast and strong it was beating.

Phil pulled him a little closer and he leaning in to wrap his arms around Dan’s shoulders and he pulled him tight. The touch was a bit of a shock to Dan’s systems and for a moment he just stood there and felt unable to comprehend anything that was happening.

“Now I can hug you fiercely and you can clutch your arms around my torso, if you want,” Phil said in an almost whisper.

Dan remembered his limb arms and started move them upwards to embrace Phil back. He kept his touch light as he moved them around Phil’s shirt and every little touch had Dan’s arm hairs standing on end, even under the fabric.

“I won’t break. Hugs are best with a little feeling,” Phil said encouragingly and Dan finally gave in and properly wrapped his arms around Phil.

It was odd to stand pressed against someone. During normal hugs, Dan would never linger. He would just go in for a quick embrace and then be pulling back as the greeting or the goodbye ended. He had never been a very tactile person but right now he was thinking that he might just have been depriving himself of something wonderful.

Phil’s arms felt strong and steady around him and Dan felt the tension ooze out if his shoulders as he allowed himself to slouch a little more.

“You can relax, Dan. I’ve got you.”

Dan hummed and for a beat he was almost unsure if he had turned into a purring cat. Trust Phil to be able to do that.

“You still haven’t told me the secret,” Dan whispered and then cleared his voice and poured some sarcasm into it. “Or is this it?”

“It’s not even half of it,” Phil said and he sounded almost fond and endeared at Dan’s attempt at keeping distance, even as they were wrapped up in a close embrace.

“Spill then,” Dan said and he dared to pinch Phil’s side a little.

He squealed a bit, short but high-pitched at the touch and then started swaying the two of them a little side to side while he dealt with the chuckling that came after.

“Sneaky. Well, I was going to tell you that if a person gives you a squeeze, you give someone it back. I meant a proper one though. Like this,” Phil said and Dan felt how Phil’s arms tightened around him and drew him in a bit closer.

This was weird, but mostly so because it didn’t feel _that_ weird.

Phil ended the squeeze and Dan imitated it when a moment had passed. It felt nice. Like a little reassurance to each other that you were still there and still paying attention. It felt a little like you were transferring a bit of strength to the other person.

“That’s all?” Dan asked, his voice a little more vulnerable than he intended but he wasn’t sure he wanted that to be it. If that was the case then Phil would let go and the hug would be done.

Dan had been ready to curse out Pj or send him to the moon but right now he was happy with their mutual friend setting up this scheme.

“There’s one more thing,” Phil said, while they still swayed a little side to side. It was so minimal that you probably wouldn’t even be able to see it if you were standing more than five feet away but it had a reassuring quality. They were two breathing creatures moving in unison. Dan couldn’t see Phil’s face but he didn’t need to.

“Yes?” Dan said and he would normally be annoyed that he sounded a little breathless but he had been through a lot in the last fifteen minutes. He was allowed to be a little winded.

“I never let go before the other person does,” Phil said.

That was the first moment that Dan wished that he had been able to see Phil’s face to know what expression he was wearing with that very soft tone.

“Are you serious?”

“Of course,” Phil replied. “I always hold on just a little longer, in case they need the comfort. You never know what people are going through and like I said if have the opportunity to help someone then you should try. It’s a little simple act of kindness and it costs you nothing.”

Where the hell had Pj found this guy? He was too pure for this world.

“What if they never let go?” Dan asked just to be a little shit.

He would never admit to himself that he might just maybe have asked because right now he felt like he could stay in Phil’s embrace forever.

Phil’s laugh vibrated through Phil’s chest into Dan’s and Dan was sure the cheerfulness was contagious because he was grinning from ear to ear.

“I’ve never had that happen,” Phil confessed. “Usually people let go within a reasonable amount of time. Why do you ask?”

Dan let out a snort. Phil sounded like he had seen right through him. Dan needed to stop this now. The touch and the bonding – it was all too much. Practically a blink of an eye ago, Dan hadn’t known of Phil’s existence and right now he had trouble getting out of his secure arms.

Dan gave him another squeeze instead of replying and Phil reciprocated just like he said that he would. It took more strength than Dan felt he had to pull away and break the hug after that but Dan just managed.

When he stepped back and created that distance between them, he felt cold. It wasn’t like before when he was complaining about the poor heating or bundling up in blankets. He felt cold all over his skin. He had ached for human touch in a way he hadn’t even realised before he had to give it up.

“I think I heard of something called cuddle therapy once,” Phil said and placed his hands awkwardly in his pockets again, just like Dan had seen him do through the peephole.

“A suggestion for me?” Dan said and raised an eyebrow. He sat back down on his bed just to make sure his arms wouldn’t shoot out and grab Phil for another hug.

“No, I don’t think you need therapy, Dan,” Phil said. “Or if you do, then that’s something you have to come to terms with on your own. I have no way of knowing. I’m just saying that the human touch can do a lot of things. It’s good for panic attacks too, if you trust the person. I’ve been able to help my friend before.”

“Interesting,” Dan said and he looked at his feet and wiggled them in his socks. It was actually interesting but he couldn’t bring himself to look at Phil’s face now. It was weird to be talking about something so intimate with someone you didn’t know.

Dan considered that he might have better luck with a light-hearted topic.

“So you said you graduated last year, right? What do you do now?”

Dan glanced up to see that Phil had sat down in the chair again and he smiled at Dan’s question. He didn’t look like someone who was running to bolt out the door. In fact, it looked like he was getting comfortable.

“I’m freelance at the moment. I write to brands and offer my expertise as an editor or pitch ideas to how they can shoot a commercial. But I just applied to this job working for Comic Relief. It will mean that I have to move to London in the new year if I get it but that’s worth it. Working for a charity and being able to shape their vision in videos would be awesome,” Phil said.

Dan noticed he sounded like Pj when he talked about his courses. It was clear to see his passion. He had something to say.

“I’m sure you’ll get it,” Dan said with a type of optimism he didn’t usually practice.

He was more of a cynical realist than a hopeful optimist but he didn’t want to hit Phil with the cold, hard facts. Besides, Phil was something special. Dan could tell that after just meeting him and any employers failing to see that were the ones that lost out.

 “Thank you, Dan. You’re a law student, right? Excited to graduate and dominate the courtrooms?” Phil asked.

“Well, I just started so I have almost three years left and then it’s onto the next step. I wouldn’t be a lawyer for years and years,” Dan said in a flat voice with thinly repressed resentment.

“Are you even excited about the prospect?” Phil asked carefully and Dan had to stare pointedly at the corner of his room not to tear up at the tenderness of Phil’s voice.

“No,” he admitted. “I’m not.”

The silence hung heavy between them. Dan hadn’t admitted it out loud before. He had thought the thought, increasingly, but it was something different to say it out loud to an actual person. He was miserable and while he had resigned himself to the misery, he didn’t like having to bring it up to a new friend.

Was Phil a new friend? He surely felt like it but they didn’t know each other well enough for him to make that type of assumption about their future. It was far more likely that they would never meet again after today.

“What do you like?” Phil asked.

“Nothing,” Dan answered automatically.

“Right. In a world of infinite opportunities and ways to spend your time, you don’t like anything at all. Entirely plausible,” Phil replied in the perfect sarcastic tone. It calmed Dan a little and he shot Phil a smile.

“I used to love drama.”

“I can see that.”

“Shut up,” Dan said and shot a glare in Phil’s direction.

“Pj’s uni has an acting BA, don’t they?”

“What would I do with a degree in acting, Phil? It’s not like that will lead anywhere.”

“And it will to be a lawyer who don’t want to be one?”

Phil’s remark could have been harsh and cold and cut right into Dan with its edges. Instead, it was wrapped up in a soft package and floated towards him in a gentle tone. The way Phil spoke was not unlike the way he gave hugs.

“Maybe not, but that’s the safe bet and I already committed.”

“You only have a stance until you decide to stand somewhere else.”

“How philosophic of you.”

“Indeed. I’m quite the _Phil_ osopher,” Phil said and caught Dan’s eye as he said the stupid pun.

They both burst out laughing at the same time.

“That was bad,” Dan said through his wheezes. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“No, I’m great,” Phil said with confidence and Dan thought he really believed it.

He had no reason not to. Anyone with half a brain could see that Phil was great but Dan couldn’t help but envy the high level of self-confidence a little. He looked so at ease with himself and Dan had no idea how he did that.

Dan was staring at Phil and he wondered if the envy was visible on his face. It was stupid to feel envious of Phil and Dan almost felt bad.

Here was this incredible guy, stumbling into his life through bizarre circumstances, and he had the audacity to feel a negative emotion as a result of it. His brain was crap. He wondered if he could order a new one.

“God, you must think I’m so pathetic,” Dan said but he hadn’t meant to. It seemed his brain to mouth filter had turned off completely and what was supposed to just be a private and self-deprecating thought had been uttered out loud.

In front of Phil.

 Phil’s eyebrows scrunched together but he didn’t say anything for a beat. Dan wasn’t sure if Phil had been rendered speechless or if he was giving Dan time and space to process the utterance.

“I really don’t,” Phil said in a hushed voice to match the one Dan had just used. “I think you’re kind of cool, if I’m being honest.”

“Cool?” Dan exclaimed. That was the last word he ever thought anyone would associate with him.

“Well, not in an obvious way but yeah, I do. You seem thoughtful and clever and you don’t always allow yourself to embrace the good opportunities that come literally walking in through your door but you’ve got something about you. But if I saw you out on the street, I’d probably be too scared to say hello.”

“That would only be because you clearly pick up on my I hate everyone vibe that I’m trying to project around me.”

“You don’t hate everyone, Dan,” Phil said with utmost certainty. Dan sighed and silently agreed.

He had never quite liked that phrase but he used it often repeatedly anyway. He didn’t hate people but he found them overwhelming and societal standards, which were made by people, came in to kick his ass again and again. The world could get a little much at times and when that happened his mind usually spiralled and he started to ponder if there was even any point to human’s existence on this rock floating through space.

He felt the overwhelming urge to lie down on the floor but he didn’t need to scare Phil even more.

“People are difficult,” Dan said when it became clear that Phil was waiting for him to speak.

“People are not only difficult. They’re draining and demanding but also wonderful and life affirming. You can’t have the good without the bad.”

“I suppose you might be right,” Dan said and started to fidget with his hands. This was getting a little awkward whenever he considered their situation but Phil was surprisingly easy to talk to. He also gave wonderful hugs. Dan would begrudgingly be one of those great recommendations now.

“Listen, I need to get going but I’m glad I agree to come meet you, Dan. I want to share the final bit of the secret behind a good hug before I leave,” Phil said and he smiled like he had found a surprise last cookie in the bottom of the jar.

It was infectious in the best way and Dan smiled back with a grin of his own. “I thought you revealed all the secrets during the hug?”

“I had to keep one last thing up my sleeve,” Phil said. “Want to know it?”

“Desperately,” Dan said, his voice laced with sarcasm but it was a façade. He wanted to know, not so much to know more secret elements to a great hug but because Phil looked so excited. Phil wanted to tell him and so Dan wanted to hear it. Simple as that.

“For a hug to be truly great, both people in the hug have to embrace the touch and be willing to lean on the other. Even the best hugger is only as good as the people they hug. We had a great hug,” Phil said and got up from his seat with the smile still painted on his lips.

Dan felt like he was blushing again. Phil kept complimenting him, even though he had known about Dan’s embarrassing admission of just wanting to hug someone and the fact Phil was standing in a very messy dorm room. By every normal standard Phil should have run away screaming.

He should not be standing, clearly lingering and delaying the departure despite having somewhere to go. He should not be looking at Dan with what could only be described as fondness. He should not be here in Dan’s life because Dan wasn’t sure how he was going to existing like he had before with the knowledge that someone like Phil was walking around in the world. He was so close but yet so far out of Dan’s reach.

But Phil was not normal.

“You’re weird,” Dan said and he heard the fond tone in his own voice. It wasn’t his fault. He was clearly touch-starved and interaction-starved, if that was even a thing, and Phil had just waltzed right into Dan’s space and put him at ease. It wasn’t fair that someone who was practically a stranger had the ability to do that.

“Good. Who would want to be normal?” Phil said with a wink and Dan felt a little like he was a young boy with his first crush again. He was half ready to convince himself that Phil must be a fever dream or something.

“You only have one life and it’s your job to make it the best life it can be,” Dan agreed. He said the words but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to follow his own advice.

“Exactly!” Phil almost shouted and he waved his arms around. He almost succeeded in knocking over the terrarium on the shelf above the desk.

If anyone were cool amongst the two of them, it would have to be Phil in Dan’s opinion. He wasn’t the classically cool dude but something about being around him just made Dan feel like he was low-key a very cool person. Phil seemed like someone who was willing to spread kindness and sunshine wherever he went and he wouldn’t compromise on any of his morals. He embraced the weirdness, while Dan just struggled not to fall into the void.

“I’m glad you stopped by too,” Dan admitted. It took a lot for him to admit it out loud but the look on Phil’s face made it all worth it. For a second, it looked like he actually melted or that he was on the verge of tearing up.

“I hate that I have to leave but…”

“It’s okay,” Dan interjected. “I’ve taken up enough of your time already.”

“I’d give it to you any time,” Phil said.

It almost sounded like a promise but Dan couldn’t get his hopes up. If he got his hopes up and they came crashing down, then it would only hurt so much worse. He had to remain realistic. Phil might deserve the hopeful and optimistic view of the world but Dan had thrived on his cynicism. Or maybe he hadn’t…

He was sure that he wouldn’t be able to keep someone as bright and wonderful as Phil in his life. They were too incompatible. He would have to wave farewell to Phil but he might be able to get one last thing before he left.

“Can I give you a hug?” Dan asked, forcing the words out awkwardly as he even shifted his shoulder back and forth. It probably looked like he was in physical pain and it was embarrassing but Dan had already been laid bare in that aspect repeatedly and now he barely felt it.

“I would love that,” Phil said with a huge smile and he opened his arms to Dan.

Dan had planned to mimic Phil’s approaching movements from before but a surge of strong emotions he didn’t even have time to understand or process made his feet move much quicker. He practically threw himself at Phil while he locked his arms around his shoulders. Phil’s hands tightly gripped Dan’s waist, keeping them vertical even as their bodies slammed into each other.

Dan’s arms were tight around Phil, probably too tight for someone you had only just met, but Dan needed it. He felt his eyes sting and crying would just the fucking icing on the cake at this point.

Phil didn’t seem to mind one bit though and it reassured Dan. Phil’s thumbs were stroking Dan’s sides softly while he kept his arms steady around Dan’s midriff. He was a pillar of strength, a lifeline, and Dan clung on with all of his might.

It was a different hug from before. This time Dan had thrown himself into the deep end without any floaties. He embraced the depth and the emotion and he let himself lose the restrictions. Phil had given him permission and Phil’s body felt warm and welcoming against him.

In the back of his mind, Dan wondered if Phil would truly be the first to let go or if they could stay like this forever if Dan wasn’t the first to retreat. He wouldn’t deny that he needed this right now and he was borrowing Phil’s strength, warmth and compassion through their touch.

Their breathing synced and for a while it seemed like their hearts beat completely in unison. It felt like they were the centre of the universe and everything was just held together by their proximity.

Letting go might have been one of the hardest things that Dan would ever have to do. He knew it was coming. He could only keep hold of Phil for so long but right now he soaked up every bit of it that he could get.

It was about more than just letting go of an admittedly wonderful hug. It had come to mean something more through all of the words exchanged between them. Phil embraced the weirdness. He dared to diverge from the normal path in pursuit of what made him happy. Dan had done the opposite. He had gone for safety and acted according to other people’s preferences.

The life he was living wasn’t one he had chosen for himself. It was making him miserable and hugging Phil made him wonder if he was ready to condemn himself to potentially years of misery when there were other wonderful things in the world. So what if they were weird? So what if getting a degree in acting would be seen as throwing away years of his life in a futile attempt to “make it”? Weren’t he throwing away years of his life already if he was miserable the whole time?

Dan felt Phil softly chuckle against him.

“What?” Dan asked in a voice that Phil wouldn’t have been able to hear if they weren’t still lingering in the embrace.

“I just thought to myself… that I wouldn’t really mind if you never let go. You’re an excellent hugger.”

Dan’s watery eyes spilled over with a couple of tears as he smiled and choked out a single laugh. At the sound, Phil’s arms tightened around Dan in a reassuring squeeze and Dan reciprocated.

“I learnt from the best,” Dan said.

“Aw! Flattery will get you absolutely… everywhere,” Phil said and Dan could hear the smile in his voice, even as he couldn’t see his face.

“Not going to lie, I’m tempted to test out your _I’ll never let go_ strategy, for research purposes obviously.”

“Obviously,” Phil echoed.

The silence settled between them again and Dan let himself enjoy the hug for a few moments more. He savoured in the feel, both the physical touch but also his emotional reaction. It was objectively weird that they were hugging for this long but Dan was beginning to see that you shouldn’t shy away from the weirdness. You should literally and figuratively embrace it instead.

With a final sigh, Dan pulled his arms down from around Phil and stepped back. He felt almost abashed at how much he had revelled their embrace and he glanced down at the floor as he quickly wiped the corners of his eyes.

“You made me late,” Phil said but there was no hint of real accusation in his voice.

“You’re the one with the rule, Phil. I just took advantage of it,” Dan said and looked up to meet Phil’s eyes. He gathered up his last bit of courage. “Thank you.”

Phil nodded and then he made his way through the door. Dan wanted to follow him to the door and hold it open for him but he didn’t trust his body right now. He might try to block the door instead and keep Phil here in the weird little bubble of intimacy, touch and weirdness that they had created together.

Phil looked back as he walked through the door and they shared a glance. Their eyes lingered, captivated by the other and Phil moved excruciatingly slow but at the same time way too fast. The door fell shut behind him with a click and Dan suddenly felt very alone.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood in the middle of his room, forbidding his feet from giving chase after Phil.

It must only have been minutes but it felt like hours before Dan just threw his body down on the bed in defeat. Phil’s presence felt like it lingered everywhere in the small room and Dan could still feel the sensation of Phil’s body against his own.

He was itching to do something and he angrily grabbed his laptop and started shouting at Pj. This was all his fault. His stupid and wonderful fault and he was going to be held accountable.

 

**danisnotonfire**

your friend phil stopped by

interesting guy

did no one tell you not to share other people’s private information?

**kickthepj**

Even if it was for their own good?

**danisnotonfire**

PJ!

seriously fuck you

**kickthepj**

I take it that it meant that it went well?

**danisnotonfire**

i legitimately hate you right now

**kickthepj**

That good, huh?

**danisnotonfire**

he was wonderful

i don’t understand why he’s friends with someone like you

**kickthepj**

You do realise I see through all of this fake hatred, right? I just knew I had to do something, Dan. You deserve all the nice things, even if you don’t believe it yourself. I knew Phil would be able to help you and he was the next best thing to coming up there myself.

Consider his hug a hug from me to you!

**danisnotonfire**

you don’t get to claim his hugs

they’re patented phil hugs

one of a kind

**kickthepj**

I knew you’d like him. I’ve actually wanted to introduce the two of you for a while. I had a feeling that you’d get along.

**danisnotonfire**

…

what do you mean?

introduce us?

**kickthepj**

You know, like, set you up. You seem like you’d be good for each other. I hadn’t counted on it going like this but when the idea popped into my head, I could hardly contain myself.

 

Dan sat back and started at Pj’s words. He had wanted to introduce them? Set them up? Phil was single and liked boys? Suddenly, Dan really wished that he had chased him down. It wasn’t really surprising. Dan doubted many straight guys would be willing to give another guy an extended hug. He hated toxic masculinity so fucking much and he detested those half arm bro greeting that were a pathetic excuse for a hug.

 

**kickthepj**

Dan, don’t be mad, okay? I know I should have warned you but I thought it would be better if you didn’t see it coming. Otherwise you’d have said no.

**danisnotonfire**

as would have been my right

**kickthepj**

Of course, but you could also just have turned him away at the door, which I’m guessing you didn’t.

**danisnotonfire**

right

**kickthepj**

Why are you all mopey then? I thought a hug would cheer you up, not make you feel worse. I’m sorry if I messed up.

**danisnotonfire**

you didn’t mess up

you did a really nice thing

weird as fuck but nice

**kickthepj**

Want to explain to me what’s wrong?

**danisnotonfire**

i don’t even know where to begin

**kickthepj**

Start with the beginning. That usually works.

**danisnotonfire**

smartass

i guess phil just said a lot of stuff that made me think about my situation and he reminded me that there are good, kind and selfless people out there. people pursuing their passions even though it’s not the safe path. people who always make sure to hug their friends and tell them how much they’re loved. he made me realise that i’m not happy with my situation, which i knew already but i thought i was content with the misery at least. ready to stick it out despite not being happy.

**kickthepj**

And now?

**danisnotonfire**

phil gives really good hugs. did you know he never lets go before the other person does?

**kickthepj**

Yes, I do. It’s his special thing. He makes sure to hold on for as long as the other person needs it. He’s awesome like that.

**danisnotonfire**

yeah, he really is

**kickthepj**

So when are you seeing him again?

**danisnotonfire**

what do you mean?

**kickthepj**

Daniel James Howell, are you an idiot?

**danisnotonfire**

i don’t know how to answer that

**kickthepj**

You didn’t tell him that you like him? Platonic, romantic, whatever! You just let him leave without telling him that you wanted to spend time with him again?

**danisnotonfire**

he was just doing this as a favour to you.

**kickthepj**

I asked him to hug you for me, yes, but it sounds like a lot of other stuff happened. Dude, you’re speaking of him like he literally changed your world perspective in what an hour? And if I know Phil, he probably likes you too. You’re just his type of person. You cannot tell me that he didn’t say that or try to insinuate that he wanted to see you again.

 

Dan frowned at the screen. Yeah, Phil might have said something that could be interpreted that way but Pj wouldn’t be able to judge that. He hadn’t been there and while he might know Phil really well, it still didn’t mean that he was right.

Besides, Phil should have no interest in meeting up with Dan again. He could have his literal pick of everyone in the whole world to spend time with, so why would he choose someone like Dan?

He had said that Dan was cool but he had also confessed that he would have been scared to approach him in public. He hadn’t wanted their hug to end but none of that was concrete evidence.

Still, despite it, Dan felt his heart start to race. What if Phil had wanted to see him in the future? They could have exchanged numbers or made plans but Dan had been too wrapped up in his own mind to even consider that option. He had been sure that he was living on borrowed time when Phil had been there but what if he had been wrong?

 

**danisnotonfire**

i don’t know

maybe?

**kickthepj**

It’s official. You’re an idiot. I still hope the whole thing made you feel better despite everything?

**danisnotonfire**

it did

thank you, peej

**kickthepj**

I’m going to get a train up there and hug you myself one of these days but I’ve got to go back to working on the project, okay? I’m logging off for the day. Talk to you tomorrow?

**danisnotonfire**

yeah. good luck!

 

Dan scrolled through social media after Pj logged off. He saw posts but the text and the images felt blurry and he couldn’t focus. His mind kept reverting back to Phil and the what if’s. Dan hated what if’s. They were the bane of his existence.

In life you had to make choice and go down forked roads and whenever you made one turn you inevitably left something else behind. Every choice had a counterpart and you could never know what you were missing out on. How were you supposed to know if you made the right choice?

It didn’t matter if you made the right choice, as long as the choice you made was making you happy, an inner voice that sounded suspiciously like Phil told Dan. The boy had now taken up residence in his brain. If that wasn’t fucking cherry on top.

Dan kept his social media open as he opened a new tab. It felt almost forbidden to look at this, to indulge in the other possibilities as if he had a choice anew. As if he could change his path and he didn’t have to continue down the one that was making him want to claw his eyes out. He told himself that he was just looking. He was just pretending but something started to settle in him with every click through to the different sites and as he read up on the information. Dan changed back and forth between social media and the other webpages.

A notification popped up from a new message while Dan was aimlessly scrolling. He clicked on it and his heart jumped at the name.

No, it couldn’t be.

 

**amazingphil**

I know this is a bit of a long shot but would you happen to be the Dan who got a visit from a friend’s friend an hour ago? If so, it’s Phil. You probably guessed that already. I just wanted to repeat that you’re an excellent hugger and I’d love to see you again. Perhaps under less surprising circumstances? If this is not that Dan, then I’m sorry for this overly private message!

 

At the top of the message field it noted that Phil had been following Dan for a month. Phil had been one of his followers and he had no idea. It was possible that Pj had mentioned him to Phil who had then followed him but even if that were the case it wasn’t a recent development.

Dan felt like he might pass out. Phil was reaching out. Phil wanted to see him again. He wanted to see him so badly that he was ready to write a message to a potential stranger and possibly embarrass himself. Dan wondered why he hadn’t just gotten his number through Pj but it was possible that Pj had turned off his phone completely to focus on finishing his project. If that was the case, it indicated that Phil wasn’t even willing to wait a day until he talked to Dan again.

This was almost more surreal than their first meeting and that was saying something. Dan took a deep breath and poised his fingers over the keyboard.

 

**danisnotonfire**

this might be dan but to prove that you’re phil what the final secret to a great hug?

**amazingphil**

A hug can only truly be great if both people are willing to commit and lean on each other.

Hi Dan

**danisnotonfire**

did you seriously not know that this was my account?

**amazingphil**

I didn’t, not for sure. I think I might have followed you after taking a look at the people Pj were following? He always had great taste in people.

**danisnotonfire**

i can’t exactly disagree since he’s friends with you

**amazingphil**

True but I was talking about you

**danisnotonfire**

do you want to hear something wild?

**amazingphil**

Always. Anytime of the day.

**danisnotonfire**

i was just looking up courses at pj’s uni

the acting one specifically

toying with the idea of what i would do if i could do it all over

**amazingphil**

You can’t change the past but you can change the future.

Your past choices can be replaced by new ones. It’s possible.

**danisnotonfire**

i never thought that it was. i thought i would feel like a complete failure for just considering it but that’s not how i feel at all…

**amazingphil**

Do you want me to ask how you feel?

**danisnotonfire**

it felt exciting

liberating

it was freeing to just think about it

so now i can’t stop wondering what it might feel like if i actually dared to do it

**amazingphil**

I think you already know the answer

**danisnotonfire**

maybe

you know what else i know?

**amazingphil**

What?

**danisnotonfire**

i miss you and your hugs

did you make me addicted or something?

**amazingphil**

They have been known to have that effect on people but you know what might help with it?

**danisnotonfire**

what?

**amazingphil**

More hugs.

**danisnotonfire**

is that so?

**amazingphil**

Yes

**danisnotonfire**

you know where i live

**amazingphil**

An open invitation. That’s a dangerous and brave move, Daniel.

I will take you up on that when you least expect it.

**danisnotonfire**

i can’t wait

 

Dan had to log off to deal with his burning face and his aching cheeks. He was smiling so wide but he made no move to contain himself. Phil had reached out. Phil wanted to see him again. He promised to stop by. How was this his life?

Dan’s quiet day under the duvet had turned into something he could never have imagined. Clearly, Pj’s imagination had been capable of it though.

While watching anime, Dan kept a watchful eye in case another message from Phil came through. It was well into the evening and Dan was munching on stale crackers for his dinner when he saw a new notification. However, the notification on his screen wasn’t a message but an ask and Dan fumbled with the mouse cursor as he quickly moved to click it.

A huge smile spread on his face as he read it. That cheeky fellow had clearly seen the original ask. Dan couldn’t help but love it.

 

 **Anonymous asked** :

REAL hugs are coming! You better B prepared ;)

 **danisnotonfire answered** :

thank u <3

 

This time Dan was actually prepared when the REAL hugs were showing up at his door. He had expected that he would have to let Phil in through the outer door this time but Phil had managed to sneak in again. Dan would have been a little worried if it was anyone but Phil who could get into the building so easily.

As it was, he was just over the moon to hear the knock on his door and he ran towards it this time and ripped it open without even looking through the peephole. He didn’t worry and he didn’t hesitate when he reached out for Phil’s already open arms and pulled him into a hug. This one was the perfect mix of the first two hugs they had shared. It had the tenderness of the first but somehow also the strength of the second. It felt familiar and safe and Dan wasn’t sure how he had lived so long without hugs like this in his life.

It was just what he had needed and thankfully, it didn’t look like Phil minded it one bit. He hugged back with the same care and fierceness rolled into an unlikely combo. It truly took two people embracing the hug to make it great.

None of them were letting go of each other for a while.

Dan knew that this was something very special, even if it was new and undefined. He felt something in Phil’s presence that he had never felt before. He had to assume that Phil felt it too. It was something you both had to feel for it to feel this great, just like a hug. It was too early to say, frankly it would be absolutely foolish to say it, but this felt like it could be home.

Dan might never let go of Phil again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](http://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/183125025758/real-hugs-are-coming-phan-one-shot)
> 
> This was entirely inspired by an ask (identical to the first ask) that appeared on my timeline. Because of the lowercase reply, I started thinking of how Dan types and then I started to think about how Phil never lets go of people first at meet and greets. Thus this whole thing was born! I hope you enjoyed it. I’ve been writing it for these past two days and it was one of those stories that just flowed right out of my fingers, but to be fair I have been carrying around the idea for a while. It’s also the frist time I’m trying my hand at writing messaging back and forth to this extent but I really enjoyed it. It’s also my first time writing Pj and I hope I did him justice. Thank you to anyone who has read this and to the people who reacted so excitedly when I announced this story on tumblr. Feedback is hugely appreciated! I’d love to know your thoughts. Thank you.


End file.
